A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his . You have to accept them if you wish him to remain in a relationship with you. eyJtZXNzYWdlIjoiZmJkNDZiMjEwMmU5NDg2ODY1NTU3MDIwOWU4YzI0NmQz Now I get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the sons home. Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. His ex has been nothing but trouble since we got together although i have done a huge amount to help them. I HATE the holidays! My partner has family out of town and most of mine have pasted. We learn the most from failure, which is why you cant expect a person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much. I feel betrayed to be honest. If there was a family party every day he would be there. M2MwMDY4NmMxNTcyNWNkZGZmYmQ3ZTM4NTE0OGM2MGQ2YzdiYWE2ZjZlMjA4 I would be thinking that maybe she has invited someone else to share the special occasions with him but then Im a suspicious kind of person. (My boyfriend describes this as generally how arranged marriages go.). My boyfriend doesnt show me any love anymore. Your relationship is about you and your partner, not your family or friends. I spend everyday with her at college, but she wants me to spend a holiday with her. Being Mexican, your BF is weak, plans with SO are important and he needs to follow through. This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship. Should My Boyfriend Tell Me Where He Is Going? Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. Both my relatives and my gf put so much pressure on me, and even have begun to try manipulating my decisions. What should I do about this?' Some of this depends on your ages and how long you've been together. He is at her house 2xs daily sometimes 3. RELATED: How To Get Him To Notice You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign. All of these will be removed and locked. My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. I doubt you LOVE spending every moment with her family. He didn't invite me to come with him to either one. I cant imagine what it would be like to know your child was going to die. MTdkZGFhMzY0ZGQ3ZDgzMzk1OWNkMWJiNTI4MGYzMDFjNTM2OTUxM2Y5ZmE5 Danielle. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. This is not " close' this is toooo much. Share your story below. We've been together for 3 years and 8 months. As much as he loves his daughter, she still has him in her life, whether its for the time being or forever. Step back and learn more. Basically, I'm his mom's nightmare. "I told my boyfriend I love him, and now I am meeting his child for the first time.". It sounds like the question then becomes: is this something that the author can accept? In 2014, I met a guy. I realize it's not the same, and his family are still his family no matter what. His mom. He can either be with someone who will never let go or not have anyone at all., My boyfriend is obsessed with his daughter and cant seem to stop talking about her. YjNjOTJiZDc2OTcxYWMzM2E2ZWRkN2M3ZDY1YjQ3Yzg5MWViYWJiYzFiMTI2 What does he do that makes you feel insignificant? His family should be making room for you in their lives. Forcing time together or forbidding him to go in order to try to fix your relationship when he clearly values family above all else will not help your relationship at all. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. OTA3OTUwODlkZmVmODAzYjI5MGQ3OWFiY2JlNTE0MWFjNmE1YzMyZGMxYjY4 Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). We cant get married because she didntno ring..she didnt get oneno friends she doesnt have anyno guests..she doesnt like guests. . I never would have expected him to spent every single holiday with me; I have family to that I need to see, but would it have killed him to say hey, "lets spend every other xmas eve or xmas day together". Hes prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. Its evident that he lacks strength and autonomy as hes used to his mother being around and telling him how things are supposed to work. ZjI3MmZiZDYyYmM3NDg0ODMxNWYwZTgyM2QzNzhhYWRmMTc1OTg0OGY4ODky But to let their mothers tell them what they can and cant dothats over the top. He is wrong if his family forced him to move over relationship with you or just because he doesn't feel interest in you. In doing so, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for being listened to. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. You just need to be HAPPY FOR HIM, any negativity towards him and his situation risks putting him down or even pushing him away. He wants to spend time with ex and children. In this series 'Ask Bhabi Jii' I publish questions from readers along with my response based on my opinion and personal experience. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. They text and call all day ..multiple times a day. Obviously I want time with just us two but for some reason that I dont know of, he gets a bit mad or hes annoyed that I want time with just us two, which makes me feel like shit and I dont know how to respond but I just react in a way that I shouldnt do such as, Ill start an argument or just not talk to him. my boyfriend is playing all day long, when he comes home from work and we are cooking together, he always talks about how he looses free time with his boys on discord because he "needs to help me cook". She makes his breakfast and lunch everyday and sometimes dinner. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. Well could you reframe that to "maybe you are allowing her control you because you care about her?". Should I just get over it, or does anyone think I have a right to be upset? Its not something that I could ever think about having to go through, and he didnt deserve this at all. Thats why you can probably expect him to keep letting his mom say and do what she wants. He used to be attentive and loving, but now he loves his daughter more than anything else. My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me, 6 Things You Can Learn From How A Man Treats His Mother, non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic, The Completely Unscientific Way To Make Him Choose You Over Her, 3 Zodiac Signs Who Realize They Love The Wrong Person During Moon Square Venus, March 1 - 2, 2023, The 3 Zodiac Signs With The Luckiest Love Horoscopes In March 2023, The Love Horoscope For Each Zodiac Sign On March 1, 2023, How To Get Him To Notice You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign, Zodiac Signs That Are Terrible At Relationships (And Why), 20 Little Things Women Do That Guys *Secretly* Love, 6 Things That Kill A Relationship Every Time (You've Been Warned), 5 Little Ways Men Wish They Could Be Loved Every Single Day. Just because you haven't got a wedding ring or maybe aren't even living together, you deserve better than to spend Christmas alone. Worst of all in this decision my Gma has cancer and this might be her last Christmas. I then assure him that he can go play, and he will just walk off and go play. He doesnt do anything with me when she is home because he wants to spend all of his time with her so that just leaves no room at all for us. This heart-touching letter captures the feelings of every wife, who has been ignored by her husband; whose husband chooses family over his wife. Copyright 2023 - SmartRelationshipTips.Com | All Rights Reserved. I had hoped that he would choose me over her until she was older and more independent, or at least be willing to give us both equal time so we can have some semblance of a healthy relationship., The problem is that my boyfriend doesnt want his daughter any less than I want him. i want to feel like a priority to him, i want to feel like our relationship is just as important to him as his family. If he is prepared, you can give him some healthy suggestions on how to make you a priority and his mother someone he speaks with (not over-relies on). My partner and i have been living together for 3 years. he has been divorced for 4 years and has 3 children aged 17,20 and 22. Do you believe that children should always prioritize family relationships, or does love trump all? Im not going to give up on him. Im sure youre lovely and there is somebody out there for you that is mature and respectful and a grown man. I just want him to choose me but I can't say it because I don't want to be selfish and his family would hate me if I asked their son to choose me over them. Your boyfriend is essentially choosing his mother over you because hes used to his mom being in control of his decisions and life. Maybe it's time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. They tell her when they will be at her house if she is lucky. Parents can have a very influential effect on the relationship. No parents will decide our kids names and decide where we live etc. He doesnt see anything wrong with it because he doesnt know what a healthy mother-and-son relationship looks like. Need help with your relationship? Overall, I try to be understanding. Their parents died yrs ago, he has no close family other than his brother, so totally understand that he needs to be with his brother sometime around Xmas. He's always welcome to stay at our house whenever we're in town (which he does a lot of the time), and he's met my relatives. Mothers are irreplaceable and extremely important people in our lives. Her role is to be supportive of her sons decisions and encourage him to deal with his mistakes maturely. So much so that I've never even met her, nor am I allowed on her property (which is actually no issue for me I'm OK with staying far away from her, believe it or not). Privacy Policy. for example today there is a birthday & they mentioned just a couple hours ago that they were doing a dinner. Don't take this personally but probably he feels like the right thing is to be with his family and show the respect he should show. In your case, shes focusing on your boyfriend. so pretty much we only get to see each other on the couple of days i have off or at night. But I feel disregarded all the time. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of . You don't get a free pass. A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. Hed been raised to believe that mothers have absolute power and the last say no matter what their sons believe and want. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient. You shouldnt stay with someone whose life revolves around his mother. They've not made life easy for my mum but at the same time she's done things which has had me yell at her. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. Therefore, a mom who meddles with her sons relationship usually: She should be focusing on her own life/relationship, but because some important part of her life is lacking, shes trying to take charge of her sons. Im only reaching out because, in the end, we are still family. He always tells me that we are very different people and never wants us to be close because nothing will change. She terminated the relationship for you because you werent happy with a man who hasnt got his priorities straight. Everyone makes mistakes, including me and you. I'd be jealous and feel neglected, too. & with them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. I don't think I can be ok with accepting it and wondering if I'm making a big mistake. The last christmas he promised me that the he will spend the next one with me, now that the time has come I asked him what's up and he tells me he doesn't know, he feels that his family that lives in another city want him to come and spend it with them and doesn't want to let them down, but he will do what he can to spend christmas with me. Know that your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his mother. By Lady Saoirse. She doesnt realize that shes trying to fill the hole in her life and feel needed and important. (I had to wait for a way down the road. He's charming, funny, sweet, endlessly patient (seriously he takes my constant button-pushing like a champ), ambitious, handsome, and happy. I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. He's really close with his sister, which in itself isn't a problem, but I feel like they're a little bit TOO close. Maybe his family asked him to be with them and although he planned to be with you he felt the right thing was to be with his family like a way to show he respects them. He doesnt care about what I want in life and always tells me how different we are. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Does this mean he isn't very committed to me? I'm the bad guy no matter what decision I make Why didn't you ask her to go with you to see your family, that's a simple solution! My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. & hes still saying we should go. NDBmYjZmMTcwYmJhODliYTkwYzk4YzU5NTMzMTA5OWY0M2IwM2NiNjc0OTY2 Husband ignores me when his daughter is around, When Someone Doesnt Trust you for no reason, What Should I And My Boyfriend Be For Halloween: Best Idea For You, Rebound Relationship Timeline: Best tips for you, Things You Need to Know to Win The Heart Of A Virgo Man -12 Secret Tips, First Christmas After Divorce: Best 7 Tips For You, 10 Rules The First Date After Divorce: Best Guides For You, How Do Guys Get Over Breakups So Fast? People need to make them from time to time to learn from them and become better equipped for their relationships. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we have had our ups and downs through the time weve been together for different reasons but most of our arguments come from him choosing his friends over me. Around, and he will just walk off and go play large group theres much... Our lives up having to choose between me and his have anyno..... 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